New Year – a time for reflection instead of resolutions
Have you felt a pressure to set resolutions or goals for the year ahead? I must admit, I have always found it a bit of an unnecessary stress, and, for me, springtime is better placed for new beginnings. If you look at trees, winter is the time when nutrients are being stored from the earth through the roots, ready for the new buds to emerge in the spring.
So, I like to use New Year as a period of reflection and an opportunity to bring healing and balance ready for spring’s new beginnings.
With this latest Christmas and New Year period, I made a promise to myself to take some time away from the laptop – being self-employed, I don’t have set 9 to 5 hours, so I often find myself attached to the laptop late at night, or at the weekend, answering emails, marking portfolios, writing lesson plans, or planning promotional bits and pieces – so the break was well needed! And, instead of reflecting on the last year, I have taken the opportunity to look back at the last 20 years of being self-employed within the health and well-being industry (I started my business in January 2003). In this time, my business has managed to survive two recessions, and will hopefully ride out this current one we are in. It has also had lots of different personalities along the way too!
Nowadays, there is more awareness of the importance of investing in health and well-being, yet twenty years ago paying for a holistic treatment was seen as an indulgence. So, I had to be creative in the way I helped people to connect with themselves, resulting in a little dalliance into the beauty sector for a while, offering beauty treatments, and products, as well as being a wedding make-up artist. This was the time when I was just like the tree in winter, taking in the nourishment of knowledge and know-how so I was ready to spring forward with my holistic business when the time was right.
I have learnt so much over the last twenty years which has benefited me both personally and professionally and I thought I would share with you some of the best bits.
It’s OK to be perfectly imperfect
There are always going to be twists, turns, and ups, and downs – if we strive for a straight-line, we will never witness the full variety of life. It is through the challenges, changes, and the mistakes we make, which give us an opportunity to learn and grow. When I thought I had to do everything perfectly, I was always unhappy – I was always judgmental and hard on myself. When I allowed myself to admit to being imperfect, I found the joy in learning from my mistakes. As Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Have compassion with boundaries of steel
Hurt people, hurt people: most people who act badly towards others are suffering themselves inside. Yet when their actions hurt you, it is understandable to be angry and upset. Holding onto the anger will mean you will continue to hurt yourself, every day. Anger will reside until you bring compassion to yourself. Once you allow compassion in, it is easier to release the anger and to see the situation more clearly.
Being compassionate does not mean you have to be a push-over and allow bad behaviour in. Brené Brown, a professor, lecturer, and author, discovered during her work in research, the most compassionate people had ‘boundaries of steel’, meaning they had a clear set of boundaries in relationships and life. She calls her method of boundary setting, BIG – Boundaries, Integrity, and Generosity – in other words, it is about setting clear boundaries in which you can retain your integrity, yet also having a generous spirit.
I didn’t used to have any boundaries when it came to the bad behaviour of others, and so this lesson came repeatedly over the years, but now I have my own BIG, it has led to me feeling much stronger and more resilient when dealing with hurt.
I am where I am meant to be, right now
Things will not always go the way I think they ‘should’, which mean my desires will not always match up to reality. I first heard the phrase “I am where I am meant to be” when listening to a podcast with Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and A New Earth. He gave an example of leaving late to go to the cinema – all the way there you will berating yourself and getting annoyed with the traffic around you. When you arrive there is a queue to get in which raises your anger levels even more. If you were to say to yourself “I am where I am meant to be, right now” would it change your experience? He says “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
Over the years, I have learnt to let go of the outcome and trust the way things are unfolding. It can still be frustrating when things do not go the way I had hoped, but by willing to see the bigger picture it can certainly help me to flow with it rather than against it.
Commit to a Daily Devotion
One way to a happy mind is to do something daily which can feed your soul. If you feel you are always giving out to others, you can start to feel unhappy and resentful. You don’t need to do anything big, nor does it need to take up too much time. For some, it could be giving time over to a daily crossword. For others, it could be always committing to a daily bath rather than a shower. The gift of even a small amount of time, is a way of honouring yourself – it is offering yourself an exquisite blessing and can have positive psychological benefits.
Some years ago, my daily devotion was quite simply an affirmation practice I did upon waking every morning. I had read about it in an interview with a 93-year-old yoga teacher, who had been asked “What is the secret to a long and healthy life?” and she replied, “Well, I wake up every morning and repeat ‘Today’s a great day’ three times, and you know, it normally is a great day”. I always used to dread getting out of bed, so I decided to use her affirmation and found it put me into a positive mindset. Scientific research shows us that our bodies do not know the difference between fake or real, and so will respond accordingly. By affirming ‘today’s a great day’ every morning, my mind would naturally seek out the positives of each day, and if there was the occasional bad day, my mind was in a much better place to deal with it.
Nowadays, my daily devotion is a combined yoga/meditation/reiki morning practice. I cherish this gift of time and the practice itself brings the added benefit of grounding me, bringing alignment, as well as a deep feeling of connection.
Be kind, always
As I continue to reflect on the last twenty years, I am grateful to have found that my role, of supporting and teaching others, gives me a daily purpose. Life can certainly feel much more meaningful when we help others, and it can be done in the simplest of ways, such as: sending a text to someone and letting them know you are thinking of them; offering to pick up shopping or a prescription for someone who is poorly; bringing in a neighbour’s bins, etc. You can do random acts of kindness, or even secret acts of kindness. David Hamilton PhD says that acts of kindness have been shown to make us happier; be good for the heart; slow down ageing; improve relationships; and be contagious – and this is for both the giver and the recipient of the kindness.
If you would like a career which is meaningful and gives you more purpose, I can support you with your professional development. I offer externally accredited courses in Meditation Teaching and Reiki Practitioner. Contact us at info@sarahpresley.co.uk to find out more.
My mind certainly feels refreshed from taking the break and I am looking forward to taking the next steps towards the publishing of my book, which will be coming out in Spring 2023. It’s called Making Friends with Yourself: A practical guide on how meditation can take you from overwhelm to an inner calm which addresses key issues such as anxiety, worry, anger, the inner critic, and the pain of rejection. Throughout the book, you will explore different types of meditation to help you find your best fit, learn the proven physiological benefits meditation brings and put in place strong meditation foundations to help you navigate the ups and downs of everyday living. If you would like to be one of the first to find out about the launch of the book, join our mailing list by emailing us at info@sarahpresley.co.uk
