It’s how you treat yourself that counts

How do you treat yourself?  When I ask you this, I mean internally – it’s not about treating yourself to a pair of shoes or for a massage!  Are your internal thoughts kind, friendly or compassionate?  Or are you harder on yourself than others?

Many years ago, I would always treat myself harshly.  The standard I set for myself was always higher than what I expected from others.  In fact, the bar was so high it was completely unachievable and so I would berate myself constantly for not being the best I could be.

Being introduced to the Loving-Kindness meditation in 2013 changed this for me.  Two weeks into practicing it, I began to notice how I wanted to treat myself with more compassion – following a usual internal berating tirade, I found myself wanting to replace the harsh thoughts with kinder ones.

Straight away, I knew I was onto something great and I began practicing the meditation in earnest.

What is the loving-kindness meditation?

This buddhist meditation, sometimes known as metta, uses open phrases to cultivate compassion towards yourself and others.   Within these open-phrases you are expressing wishes of benevolence, friendliness, goodwill, love, kindness and compassion.  It is a radical act of gift giving to yourself as well as others.

So you might repeat phrases, such as ‘May I be Happy’ or ‘May I be Healthy’ or ‘May I feel Strength’, for example.  Then, what you wished for yourself, you wish for others.  This normally includes your family and friends, a stranger, and as well as sentient beings everywhere.

When you do this practice, you don’t have to be in a positive state of mind as the focus is actually on the repetition of the phrases, rather than the meaning.

It is a well-researched meditation and it brings incredible benefits to the body and mind.  With regards to the mind, it impacts the prefrontal cortex, and in particular the areas which are responsible for increasing positive thoughts and feelings, empathy, and social connection.  It also decreases the area which is responsible for the inner critic.

From physiological points of view, it can be cardio-protective, as well as counteracting the effects of stress.  It is also known to slow down our ageing process, as well as toning the vagus nerve to reduce inflammation

So there is a lot to love about this meditation!

Over the years, I have continued to use it on a daily basis, but mainly when my inner critic (negative Nelly voice) is having a bit of a moan.  Most days I use a short stealth version as a way of bringing compassion to my suffering1  But this month, following a talk by David Hamilton PhD about the Art & Science of Kindfulness – this is a term he uses for mindfully practicing kindness – I have felt the need to reconnect with it on a deeper basis.  So I have challenged myself to practicing it twice a day for the 40 days.

I am only a week into this, and I am already basking in the experience.    I have slipped into a practice of directing the phrases towards myself in the morning for the first session, and then on the evening session I spend a longer length of time wishing for others what I have wished for myself.  The experience so far hasn’t felt like a chore, in fact it feels joyful.  Interestingly, this week has been incredibly busy, yet I have felt quite calm, organised, and also creative too.

It will be interesting to see what I will notice as I progress through the next 30 odd days!

If you would like to give it a go, I have included some links to videos where you practice with me.  If you haven’t done this type of meditation before, remember if can be quite challenging when you first begin.  But remember, it is a starting point to something new – and you do have to start from somewhere!