When you feel unlovable, you are not alone

If you feel unlovable, you are not alone – I feel like this sometimes too, and I am sure there are many here amongst us who feel the same way.  For me, it pops up every now and then, arising during both small and big life experiences.

We are all lovable beings, yet somewhere along the way we have believed we are not.  As to where the belief comes from, there are many theories ranging from social, religious or cultural factors, genetics, trauma, chronic illness and low self-esteem.

I bet, like me, you don’t often tell others you feel this way.  Perhaps when you do, they might give you many reasons not to.  Yet, it is hard to deny a feeling, even if it is based on a belief rather than fact.  So why do we hide the feeling from the world?

According to Carl Jung, we have ‘personas’ which are an aspect of personality which come from a desire to please, or be accepted by others – in other words our public image.  It will mean we will wear a social mask for specific situations, such as when we are with friends, family or at work and this is due to the ego rejecting the aspects it doesn’t like whilst promoting the bits which help us to fit in.  We tend to refer to the rejected part of ourselves as the ‘shadow self’ and we push it into our unconscious where it is ready to pounce up when our mask slips.

The shadow side of ourselves isn’t bad, or wrong.  In fact, it is the part of ourselves which needs to be loved and accepted instead – yet we don’t allow ourselves the time and space in which to address this.  If a friend or family member were to tell you they felt unlovable, you would recognise they are suffering and you would want to surround them with compassion.  Yet when we tell ourselves we are unlovable, instead of allowing compassion in, we can often surround it with hurt and shame and bury it inside.

So, the next time you tell yourself you are unlovable, why not treat yourself as a friend – recognise you are suffering, and bring some warm and loving compassion towards yourself.

Here are some inspiring words from Jayla John about soothing yourself with loving breaths and gentle practices.

“Her nervous system had been through so much.  She decided to spend the rest of her life calming the inflammation.  Thoughts, feelings, memories, behaviors, relations.  She soothed it all with deep, loving breaths and gentle practices.  The softer she became with herself, the softer she became with the world, which became softer with her.  She birthed a new generational cycle: Peace.” ~ Jayla John